Help and Support for Mixed Couples

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British Indian female and White American man

"Sometimes I think about how hurt my parents will be but I didn't look at B's colour when I fell in love with him, I looked at the person and if he can accept me the way that I am- believe me I am not the easiest person to deal with either- then surely they should be happy for me... "


Ange’s Story

I would like to start off by saying what a great site! It's good to read about experiences that hit home, especially when you know your 'own' don't really understand, or choose not to.

So my story so far...
I am a British Indian 25, working abroad in East Asia, I met my boyfriend 'Bob'who is White American 26 on a social night out with my work friends. We had both arrived in East Asia around the same time a year ago but never really hung out before. We had seen each other once at an evening class but never really talked. We finally met properly in June 2008

So this one night we were out and we started talking, I initially thought he was stuck up and he thought I was rather intimidating but then we got on very well and were very flirty flirty with each other, by the end of the evening we were in our own little world cello - taped together. I didn't really know what was going to happen after that evening I guess I wasn't really thinking about it as I was just having a good time. We chatted till the early hours of the morning, our friends disappeared home and then a few hours later I went home, we didn't exchange numbers. It was a little strange as I was coming out of a relationship with my British Indian boyfriend (who my family knew about and were fine about as he was Indian) and he had broken up with his girlfriend a month or so before.

So a few days later my friend calls me to ask if she can give my number to Bob as he had called her and asked for it, but I got his number from her instead and sent him a text. He knew who it was straight away and we texted for a few days and then met up with our friends again. There was something there between us, these meet ups happened about 4 or 5 times before we went on a proper date with just Bob and I.

We got on so well and we were very happy. His strengths were my weaknesses and vice versa. Our contracts were due to end in 5 weeks time and I had no desire to re-sign, I was going to go home and most likely would have worked things out with my ex... or maybe not, I guess I will never know because I decided to re-sign for another year and so did Bob. He was the reason I stayed.

Before my contract started again in September I went home for 20 days to visit my family as i hadn't seen them in a year. They couldn't understand why I broke up with my ex, they said he was the best I could ever get because he had waited for the year that I was away and not many guys would wait. Even though he did wait for me we fought like cats and dogs while we were together and he was very insecure which turned any feelings I had for him sour. He tried to get back with me but I wasn't interested.

I told my 2 older sisters about Bob as they guessed there was somebody else as I was going back for another year. I am very close to my older sisters who are both married, love marriages but their husbands are still Indian. When I told them they were shocked, my eldest sister was very angry and basically told me that we are Indians and we are born into a culture where you stick to your own! I was told that there are some people you date but never marry and Bob was the kind that I couldn't ever be with unless I want to  break my parents hearts. My dad is my weakness as I am a daddy's girl and they basically told me that I would be a disappointment to him and put shame on the family.

I was also told that before I went away I was a sweet girl and now I am simply selfish! Gee just because I choose to be with someone who is not Indian I am selfish? It upset me that my own 2 sisters who are up to date with modern society have such views. Blatantly racist. So my sister made me promise that I will not bring Bob home ever or else she will take my passport away and tell my parents not to let me go back to Asia to work another year. I was so pissed off that I just wanted to get up and leave so I promised her that I will go and do my year and leave Bob in the past when I return.

A few days before I left the UK my sisters were trying to get me and my ex back together I told them a million times that I am NOT interested. I felt bullied and couldn't wait to return to Asia!

Bob met me at the airport on my arrival, boy oh boy was I glad to be back! I told him what went on, he still wanted to be with me and I still wanted to be with him. He practically moved in with me and we are now closer than ever and very much in love. I an very extroverted and at times a little crazy and Bob is more the opposite but I can be the way I am in front of Bob and he just accepts me. We have now just passed the 6 month stage.

Every now and again I remind him that it will not be easy for us and that I may be disowned by my family. Sometimes it really upsets me and Bob can sense it, he hugs and kisses me and reassures me that he will be there and that he isn't going anywhere. I have given him reasons to leave and many chances to leave too but he is in it for the long haul.  He knows the reality of things and is still standing strong by me. He just feels sad that he may never get to try my mums yummy Indian food! lol Luckily he loves my Indian food!  Smiley
I have introduced him to this site so that he can read other experiences too, its a real eye opener for him as his family are happy with who ever he decides to be with.

Sometimes I think about how hurt my parents will be but I didn't look at Bob's colour when I fell in love with him, I looked at the person and if he can accept me the way that I am, believe me I am not the easiest person to deal with either then surely they should be happy for me...but I know it will all blow up.

Luckily for me I will not have to tell my parents until another 9 months when I am back. This give me and Bob a good deal of time to build a steady ground, we would have been together over a year by the time I go back to the UK. In a few weeks time I am going to America with Bob to visit his parents for a week or so which would be great for me as I will get an insight into Bob's life when he is at home. If we are going to stay together I think it would be a wise move to get to know his family as I'm sure they will become my family when my own break away from me.

Sadly I feel I cannot tell any of my close friends in England about Bob as we have all grown up together and they are all engaged and married to Indian men and I know they will judge me or look down on me and maybe even try to sway my feelings.

Thanks for reading and sorry for any rambling!




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