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English Gujarati mixed couple

True story of an English guy in love with a Gujarati Hindu girl. They were forced to part because her family would not accept him.

 

Mokujin’s Story

My job can be quite demanding and there was a phase where I was permanently stuck in the office. I wasn’t getting to go out and meet people as much as I was used to, so I thought I would try some of the more modern dating methods as I was always online.

 

I booked myself onto a speed dating event with a couple of single mates, and started looking for net dating sites so I could flip through some prospective dates at my desk. One site that comes up on Google as a dating site is called Shaadi.com I had been out with a couple of Indian girls before and figured it couldn’t hurt to be on this site. I didn’t realize how hardcore it was- not a dating site as advertised but a pure marriage site

 

I met a really sweet girl on Shaadi and we began to correspond. She was from Tanzania but Indian by descent. At the time she was in Delhi working. We agreed to meet in October when she arrived in England. So October came and we met as planned.

 

What we didn’t plan was that we would get on so well. Our first meeting was in the afternoon, and we had a great time. You could tell that despite the obvious differences we were really liking each other- laughing and flirting and swapping stories about our massively different backgrounds. She was in England doing a Masters hence the visa. Her older brother and sister both lived here too- sis was married to a Tanzanian Hindu Gujju (Gujarati) who had got citizenship here, and bro was also married to a Gujarati girl.

 

(It’s worth just mentioning the comedy nature of her brother’s nuptuals here. Because he was such a sad, bitter little guy he had had to go to a sort of arranged marriage version of Speed Dating in India. You go with your family, and the young guys and girls literally go around looking for partners. The difference is, rather than just swap emails or numbers at the end, you get engaged and the 2 families basically do the deal there and then. Terrifying.)

 

I met her entire UK family that first night, because as I later found out she was under loads of pressure to get married. She was on Shaadi looking for a husband, and for some reason thought that she could present me as the prospective partner to her family. At the time though I thought it was just a get together, and was polite and friendly to everyone. Her brother was obviously put out by my presence.

 

Anyway, to cut a long story short we were going out for about 4 months. Her brother in law was basically sponsoring it by letting her visit them and then come out to see me. We got very close and although we couldn’t spend the night together we often made the afternoon do instead. We became very very close, and I began thinking that if we could stretch the time out, I could get into a position to offer her marriage.

 

Nobody really realizes this among white UK families, but the Asians have it all worked out. From birth they have earmarked a large slice of wealth (real or yet-to-be-saved) specifically to make marriage possible at the earliest opportunity. So when a guy or girl reach 20 or so, there is this whole wad of cash just ready for them to flash at prospective partners. Whereas in the white community, we are encouraged to make it our own way. Maybe you are lucky enough to have parents who have spare cash to give you a deposit or pay for a lavish wedding, but the average family struggles just to pay their own bills- the kids have to make it on their own. There is no dowry culture in the UK, which means that a young white person has less to offer an Asian partner in terms of wealth. Wealth is a big big deal to the Asians. You won’t find the words ‘for richer, for poorer’ in any Asian wedding vows.

 

Anyway, it wasn’t the money which was the immediate problem with us. Basically it was that I was white. Or as they put it, I was from the wrong caste. All the family were from the luhar caste, which translates as ‘ironmonger’. Can’t say I ever saw any hammers and anvils in any of their houses, but there we have it- she was expected to marry within this caste.

 

We got through to January after a nice Christmas, but then the calls started to come in- she had to start meeting people. So I had to sit back and wait while various ‘prospects’ were rolled out to meet her. Sizing up my girlfriend while I sat at home and worried because any minute her family could force one of these marriages through.

 

It is so fucked up when you think about it. A girl who has been forced to come to England to do a course she never wanted just to improve her marriage prospects, being pushed around to see guys that she doesn’t want to be with. Eventually she will have to pick one on the basis of maybe 1 afternoon’s supervised visit and she will end up marrying this guy- being obliged to lose her virginity to a virtual stranger just so all the family get to pat each other on the back that they have successfully married her off. It’s fucking disgusting. A culture that treats women like farmyard animals to be traded off is not worth its salt in my opinion.

 

So we made it through to valentines day, and that day she told me she had to break it off. Once she graduated her course she was being sent back to Dar Es Salaam to be married off. Her parents (who knew about me but didn’t want to even give me the time of day) were obviously freaking out and decided to bring her back under control. I tried to argue it out, saying that I would go and meet them and explain that I wanted to be with her, but she was adamant they would never agree to see me.

 

So on our last meeting I went back to one stop away from her house as usual, and we shared a long goodbye kiss as she boarded the train. Soon after she flew back to Tanzania, and is now married to the approved candidate and living in Australia...
 
 

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