Help and Support for Mixed Couples

  • Increase font size
  • Default font size
  • Decrease font size

Hindu English mixed couple

True story of a British Hindu girl and her English partner.

They have decided to create their own wedding together, despite the unwillingness of her father to accept the relationship.


How it all came about 

Puna’s story


I am one of two girls. We were always brought up with western attitudes, ideals and interests and most of my Indian friends were insanely jealous of my freedom to express myself compared to their traditional parents. I was allowed to go out, cut my hair, but I wasn't allowed to have boyfriends and was always told that one day I would meet a nice Indian boy. Kind of ignored this fact till I got to my later teens.
Anyway, I had a relationship when I was 18 with a English boy, they hated the idea so I ran away. A year later they started speaking to me when I was at uni(which I tried to fund myself). Due to unrelated differences that arose between us my relationship with this guy ended after three years.
I had another relationship with an English guy and this also lasted 3yrs, never told my parents about this one as didn't want to knock down the bridges I had repaired with them. The strain was heavy on this and we broke up, but that was more a mixture of personal differences.

I had counselling after this, not just for the relationship but other issues that I had to deal with at the time and it helped heaps with getting my head around all the family issues I have had to deal with. I am now a much emotionally stronger and independent person for this- recommend it highly.
After this I even started thinking maybe my parents were right and I should look at meeting Indian guys. Unfortunately I just didn't gel with anyone that I met. I was always too open in my views, even though I am still religious. I attended lots of those matrimonial functions and singles events for Asian people but got irritated with people asking me the usual questions of occupation, caste, religion blah blah......does it really matter that much?!?! Felt like telling some guys that I met my occupation was a pole dancer or something....except I don't look like one so that wouldn't have worked!
Anyway, I'm now with my partner who has always been a good friend but I never fancied him in that way till we met up with other friends a few yrs ago. I remember walking into the pub and thinking...hmmmmm.....Wow!! he looks rather cute now!! Felt so weird and guilty. A few months of flirtatious texts pursued and he announced he had been offered a job in New Zealand. I organised a leaving party and we got drunk and got together that night. What followed was three months of the most romantic weekends I have ever had before he left. We went to Paris for our first date and I just knew this time this was the real thing, it was like a lightning bolt!!
I was so happy and my father even at this point went silent on me because he knew I was dating someone white. He kept reading texts on my phone and for months I was writing in code and hiding our weekends away as visits to friends. Eventually I decided on my own that I wanted to follow him to New Zealand, I just couldn't imagine life without him (soppy I know but he really felt like my soul mate) and so I asked if I could join him to which he was delighted! I then had the difficult task of telling my parents.

Mum was so angry at first, mainly concerned how Dad would react. Dad eventually freaked out one day and said I wasn't to have any of my white friends coming over to the house to see me. I knew that he was aware of my relationship at this point and he basically went all cold on me. After my previous experience of hiding things I decided I wasn't going to do that and got ready to tell my Dad but was advised not to at this stage by Mum in case it didn't work.

So I left for NZ, Dad cried at my departure as did Mum, and although I knew I was going to miss them heaps I was so incredibly excited about a new chapter somewhere different.
So I started a new life in NZ, left 3 months after my partner Mark (not real name) did and we had a fantastic 2yrs out there. Didn't want to come back but during the first year I told Dad about our relationship and he basically stopped talking to me at this point, apart from my birthday and NYE where I had a brief phone call. What I found so hard was how I was supposed to accept his behaviour, my sister kept telling me to keep trying and not to hate him. He's now missed out on the best two years of my life, all my experiences out there, and all the lovely people I met there plus the chance to visit. Mark and I decided to get engaged anyway, it was something that felt so right and so we did last Christmas Eve. I am lucky that at least I have my sister and Mum's blessing, but its divided our family now.
I was so nervous about coming home and when we drove up to see them and I had confirmed we were coming up, Dad made sure he wasn't around. I was shocked! After two years away, he still hasn't seen me, spoken to me, or when he has its been short and brief.

We have now decided to go ahead with wedding plans next year, I mentioned this to my father and was told firmly that he wasn't interested at which point he hung up. I have since written a letter and will keep trying to see if he changes his mind maybe in time. I do feel rather different now though it has got to this stage, the anger has passed, the hurt I can live with, now instead there is this emptiness where a father and daughters love should be. I find it difficult now to think of him as my father, instead I see an empty shell of a person because after so many years of no contact its hard to see him in that role when he hasn't acted like one.
So we shall carrying on, as normal as we can......after all there is only one person missing out on all this and its not me!




Join MixTogether

If you have experienced any of these issues, join the secure MixTogether Forum today and meet new friends who understand exactly where you are coming from. Click here for more info.

Follow Us On Twitter:

The MixTogether Team are on Twitter! 

 Click the image to follow us, or add us @MixTogetherTeam!