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Hindu English Wedding Plan

This is a continuation of the account entitled Hindu English mixed couple


This gives details of how the couple are planning their wedding without support from the father of the bride.

It is essential reading for anyone considering this course of action.

Wedding plans


After getting engaged we were keen to get wedding preparations started but was impossible whilst we were in NZ as we wanted to come home and get married. I did however start looking at websites for venues and at first I was looking at all my dream locations....Manor houses, castles (the little ones!) and stately homes....then I mentioned one to Mark and he reminded me that if my Dad wasn't even talking to me then the chances of money coming from them was going to be non existent.

This really hit me hard, it was like a really sharp edged blade that cut through me and destroyed all my dreams.

Then I came across a lovely old barn that had been restored in the city we first met as friends and thought that would be romantic. When I spoke to friends they all reminded me that the venue, a fancy dress and all the trimmings were just that....trimmings.  What really mattered was that we were getting married with those close to us to share it. With this in mind I set off on a new challenge- I turned it all into a more positive goal.

I have accepted there will be no Indian wedding, no fancy trimmings. Can't tell you how upset I have been, especially when I pick up all these wedding magazines and read articles about Father of the bride speeches and going shopping with the mother of the Bride etc......Thankfully I do have my sisters support and she offered to pay for my dress and that reduced me to tears of joy!

Instead we are having a themed wedding based on what is important to us. Its a civil ceremony, this way we can make up our own vows which is much more personal and rather romantic.   Never thought I would be completely compromising all my dreams especially for my wedding day....will have to concentrate on the fact that its the vows that matter.

Since we spent our first two years together in NZ we are going to have a BBQ (This is cheaper than sit down meal and allows people to mingle), have a Kiwi theme running throughout based on the Paua shell which is found on the shores of NZ, ferns to decorate the hall (which is cheaper than flowers) and friends have volunteered their services.

We worked out how much we can save from now till then and worked backwards.

I have already found a great designer that can make an outfit blending a sari into a more western dress, the price is dependant on embroidery. I asked students who have studied in photography and beauty courses to see if they want an opportunity to be paid for work so am waiting for a portfolio.

I used to make cakes and sell them for birthdays and weddings (it was really hard to prove to people that although young I could actually do fantastic cakes!!) So decided I wanted to repay the favour, this saves hundreds.

We aren't bothering with video, sure someone will have a camcorder, or lots of those disposable cameras.

I am going to have two bridesmaids, sister and best friend who can wear what they want within the colour scheme which is based on the Paua shell, blue, purple, violet, pink, green and aqua.

Getting married in the afternoon avoids having two meals so saves more money and we are having ceremony and reception in one place. Mark used to grow chilli plants so we are going to give a mixed bag of home grown chillies of different varieties to guests, more personal than buying iced almonds etc.

Rather than buying presents for best man and bridesmaids we were going to have a dinner party later to say thank you, true friends will understand that expensive presents don't mean everything. We are using vehicles that we already have, as our prized possession is  a VW Kombi... I am turning up in that on the day!

We are going to have a Hindu blessing in India after the wedding here. I visited Risikesh a few years ago and loved it there amongst the mountains, so hopefully as some point we will make it there as that to me would really make up for not having an Indian wedding.

As for my Dad, well I am keeping him posted on what I am doing. This emotionally helps as I am not hiding anything or keeping him out the picture, by emailing and writing to him he has the option of joining in whenever he chooses, should he wish to. If he doesn't, and if he decides not to turn up on my wedding day I will know deep down that I tried my best to involve him.

The ball as they say is in his court, all he has to do is play and join in.



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