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Pakistani Scottish mixed couple

 

Honest account by a Pakistani guy of his relationship with a Scottish girl, and how it came to end when he could not tell his parents about it.

 

Cam 36’s story

 

I'm writing to share my experiences and to hear from anybody who has gone through something similar.

I have recently split up with my partner of 5 1/2 years.  We met on a night out when I was 31 and she was 36 and we hit it off from the start.

We had an unconventional relationship in that we never lived together because I was afraid of what my parents would think and how it would affect them as my mother is very ill.  From the very start I let her know what the situation was regarding my parents' view on mixed relationships but I was very lucky in that my partner was a lovely understanding women who accepted the situation.

On two occasions in our relationship I had asked for sometime alone merely to get my head around this problem, not that I ever resolved anything successfully. I tried telling my father once but he said that a white daughter in law would never be welcome in his house.

Each time I asked for the space she gave me the space and took me back willingly.  I don't want to paint her as some needy woman who was desperate, she is a strong woman who was very comfortable with herself.  She had already been married and had ended the marriage when she felt it wasn't working.

So I knew that if she was taking me back it was because she loved me and that when things were not working she would say so and indeed when things were going off track we managed to talk and work something out.

She never pushed me to make a commitment but would occasionally suggest that we move in together but each time I would use the same excuse about being afraid of hurting my parents.  She did have a desire to have a child and would have been a wonderful mother but again I couldn't agree to that because I was too scared to commit. She accepted the situation and after a while we did agree that if children came along then so be it.  There were never any real issues between us and we did get on really well with a very loving relationship between us.

Last week, after we had returned from holiday she announced out of the blue that she was leaving me and going to live abroad alone.  She said that she still loved me but one of her ambitions was to go and live abroad and that if she didn't do this she would resent it in the future. The holiday had only confirmed to her that she needed to do this and that although she still loved me this feeling to leave was bigger than both of us.

Now I am left completely heart-broken.  I still can't help feeling that my reluctance to make a commitment to her for fear of hurting my parents did help her decide that there was no future for her in the relationship. I regret that I never had the strength to stand up to my parents and tell them about the situation because I know that this is the woman I would have liked to have been with for the rest of my life.

So too little too late and I've lost the woman I truly loved and I know truly loved me.

I want to tell my parents about what has happened but I don't think they will understand. However I don't want to be in a position that if I meet someone again I loose them to this fear.  It is so hard being pulled by these opposing forces. Has anybody out there been in a similar position?  What did you do?  Any advice on this would be welcome?

 

[you can respond to cam36 in the forum]

 

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